The ghost of high school past


Notice how little I expose talk about myself here? Probably it's because that's what I always do in my previous blogs. I keep on making new ones with an aim NOT to blog too much about personal stuffs. It's tiring too read the older posts, especially when you blog about the problems you have with your friends or family. Tears keep on coming and I can hardly make it stop.

I've been such a cry baby ever since I was well, a little baby. I think I was born with extra tear ducts, that's why I tend to cry whenever I watch ANYTHING. Every stories have touching moments in them, even if they don't I'll still find it touching. Yes, emotional I am. That's the first thing you should know about me. However I hardly express my feelings to anyone. I keep them to myself, sometimes I blame myself for knowing too much of things that I shouldn't have. That's why I'm such a mess, because I care too much.

I was enrolled in an all-girls school from standard one until form five. Assunta, fyi. I didn't regret at all not being in a co-ed school. Because I am finally in a co-ed university and I think this has been the most miserable time of my life. Hearts were broken, tears were shed. Truth and confrontations hurt like hell, but that's what you have to go through in life. If you think I haven't seen the real world, well think again. What I've seen in my 20 years of life ARE real and re-living those moments will permanently damage the brain.

These girls were my confidante, my secret keepers, my everything. I love them very much and I'd do anything not to see them feeling down. I even help one of them to break up with her boyfriend, if that's what makes her happy. Back in form 3, we used to write funny letters where one of us would write a sentence and the rest would continue. Who knew it'd be such a pornographic letter. Girls those days, knew little about the word 'porn' but sigh...what to do when the tv influence was so strong.

Those moments kind of slowly stopped after form 3. We got into different classes. 2 of them were in the 1st class, I was in the 2nd class and another was in a different stream. Our hangout and talking cock moments were immediately stopped. Then school was over. We got into different places too. We've known each other since form 1, but I don't know why the bond isn't strong enough. We went on our separate ways and we keep lying to ourselves that things were as before. Because everyone knows, everyone noticed, we were not as close as last time. We would plan to hangout but that never really happen.

The girls I loved so much, cared so much. Now, I hardly know them anymore. People change as they grow up. So was the bond that we had. We didn't take the effort to cherish it, that's why sometimes those that you know in highschool won't be the friends of your life time. Distance is a bitch. Blegh! If there's a chance to get to know you again, I'd run across the sea to grab it. But that'll only happen if you would do the same. The question is, are you willing to? Can you show some initiative? I guess not, after waiting the answers for 3 bloody years. High school's long over, girls.


░♥si lampu neon♥░ said...

I think I should be in this entry lorh. huhh...BIG SIGH.

I'd lost too many friends already aez...yeah, distance is a bitch ..just only i had to switch school and being far from them, they pretend that they don't even met me.

Only several friends that understand what true friendship is. ugh. feels like shit now.

naju'najwa said...

dear, i know what u are talking about and know exactly how u feel since i was in all girls secondary school too, people change aite, they move on and suddenly one day they sorta dont need u anymore, =( pity us, but hey, dont be sad, we can move on too =) *hugs*

Aezlika said...

neo: nevermind u have me now :D

najwa: huhu thanks...atleast makes me feel good knowing im not the only feeling like this. its just that, the times u spent with them, since form 1..sampai highschool's over.if that didnt mean anything to them, then..there are tonnes of other frens yang much2 more better than them kan..ngehs..i da lama move on, cuma baru officially feel like, owh shet i've been dumped for 3 years already lol..thanks najwa :3

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